I felt the grip of a love that once held me, tearing its way away from me. In desperation I went for the glass dome, which sat in our living room coffee table and served as a shelter for what symbolized our love and destiny, our unity candle. Having engraved the very words; “Let this be our destiny to share our lives together so that we may with one voice glorify God.” Watching it shatter, I reached for the pieces and attempted to swallow the shattered pieces of glass to hold together within me what once was the bond of love.
As I laid there on the floor feeling sorry for myself, starring at every shattered piece, I felt as if the broken pieces of glass were causing the tears within me. I felt as though every part of my inner being were being cut. As I laid numb from the pain in my throat and the tightening of my chest, I heard the cries within me as though the pieces of glass were making its way through my body. I laid speechless; nothing could be verbalized with that intense pain. I felt as if those shattered pieces were cutting within my throat my intestines and to the pit of my womb.
As I was diagnosed with complete placenta previa, doctors insisted on bed rest and minimal movement as to not create more bleeding while people burst out with cries of prayers. I refused to accept their prayers and at times damned their prayers. I continued to want to live in this sorrow for myself.
As hours, days, what felt to be endless time past, I felt those pieces of glass not only cutting my insides but come together to surround my entire being. A glass dome surrounded me where I could not be reached nor could I tangibly reach anyone else. While living in this ‘glass dome’ I could not verbalize what I was feeling. Though at times all I felt were the cuts within me. The human size glass dome that surrounded me served as protection from what satan wanted to do, which was destroy me. But God was soon going to make something good come out of it. Genesis 50:20, “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today.” The pieces of shattered glass within me would soon become an incubator; part of the process needed for healing that was to take place.
All of a sudden I heard a voice from within me that said “Get Up! Glass cannot cut what is inside. Do not allow that love that once held you to define your being or destiny. There is a love that is greater. A love that devastation does not separate! Follow your destiny.”
I began to stand and nonverbally say “nothing can separate me from the love of God. Nothing! A love that is greater. A love where all love is birthed from lives within me. Verses that I once knew became to being again like Romans 8:35, “Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword?” Psalms 27… Evil doers try to devour my flesh, the Lord is my stronghold. I will still be confident. I will still see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Songs came forth though nonverbally. Precious Lord Take My Hand; He’s the Same All the Time, the very words became my cry.
All the while something was forming within the pit of my womb. To my surprise those shattered pieces of glass within me formed itself to continue to serve its purpose. What I felt to be tears and cuts within me formed a shelter for something. It formed itself to be a dome it once was. A dome to shelter that love. God’s precious love within me.
That dome overtook my insides and formed a shelter of protection not only around me but within me around a seed. The seed that was formed from not just a love that once was but from a love that is greater. From God, my Father, my Healer, and Creator of all good things.
For that sheltered dome, formed an incubator dome that sheltered the seed that was to soon come forth, a Nephtali. A blessing in a time of trouble. The cuts became a process of a healing that was to take place. Giving birth to the inheritance of God. Giving meaning to Psalms 127:3-4, “Sons are a heritage from the Lord.” My purpose, my destiny, to glorify God! As a woman, and now as a mother, together with one voice we will glorify God. No matter what devastation life may bring I am determined to glorify God in what I was called to do!
From that shattered dome came forth a seed, a child, a Nephati. (My son). From the nonverbal sprung forth meaning to a passionate dance in spirit and than naturally arose within me a ballerina clothed in praise. Giving true meaning to Isaiah 61; “You have bestowed on me a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of spirit of despair.” True meaning to “They will rejoice in their inheritance and everlasting joy will be theirs.”
Who would have thought that glass dome would serve its purpose no matter where it sits, from a stained up coffee table, to intestinal intense moments, to the pit of a womb, and create within me a ballerina. “You truly have turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O Lord my God I will give you thanks forever.” (Psalms 30:11)
Signed,
Whole
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