At the age of 6, my life came to a screeching halt when I was sexually abused by a neighbor. I couldn’t tell anyone! I’ll get into trouble, I thought. Coming from a military family, where children were seen and not heard, I felt I must have done something wrong. I was so ashamed I withdrew and acted out in anger. Soon after, we moved to a new area. I felt this was the way I would leave my experience behind me. Unfortunately, at the age of 9, I was at a friend’s house and the abuse happened again, this time by a visiting uncle. What was wrong with me? I cut my hair very short and began eating to put on weight. I decided I would make myself undesirable. No one would do this to me again, but I was wrong. While in the library of my middle school, I found myself cornered and sexually assaulted by three boys. After that, I began to get heavier and heavier.
In my junior year of high school I decided to lose weight. I wanted to become more confident and build my self esteem. It was at this time in my life I was raped. This event threw me into alcohol and drug abuse. I had decided that I deserved all that had happened to me in my life.
When I got married I thought I had found the fairy tale, but it was just another place for me to feel unloved and inadequate. Through the years I tried desperately to be loved and accepted. I lived for everyone else. I tried to be the perfect mom and wife. Everyone thought I had it all together, but inside I was crushed. Years of pretending, hiding a series of tragedies, attending numerous funerals of family and friends, one after another was taking a dangerous toll on me. My life fell into a deep depression that lead me to alcohol and drug abuse once again to try and kill the pain. I couldn’t function or sleep until finally, one night I cried out to the Lord. ‘I can’t do this anymore, I give up, and I surrender.’ It was then the Lord reached down from heaven and saved me. The darkness passed and the true light was shining! I was involved in a Bible study two weeks later, baptized within two and a half months and I’ve been on fire for the Lord ever since. This all happened several years ago. I look back on my life and can see the Lord had placed Spiritual members of His body across my path and has called me for such a time as this. It is no longer I who live, but He who lives through me. I am loved, blessed, and highly favored of the Lord. I am victorious, over come by the Blood of the Lamb and by the word of my Testimony.