This life we live is a journey toward our destination. There are side trips or detours along the way that help to build character and to strengthen us. This is one of those side trips I can share because the Lord’s hand is on my life. I can thank him for this detour and smile at the future, praying that my King will be pleased when I arrive at my destination.
“So where is your sister moving to?” asked a mutual friend at a wedding reception I was attending. The conversation continued as the friend expressed her surprise after seeing the “sold” sign in front of my sister’s house. Wondering if she noticed the incredulous expression on my face, I responded that my brother-in law got a job transfer. After blurting out that they were moving to North Carolina (which later turned out to be the correct guess) I quickly ended our conversation in order to be alone.
Once in the ladies room, I closed the door and prayed that the Lord would help me with the surreal feeling I was experiencing. My sister, my once dearest and closest friend was moving away to an unknown destination. This was yet another episode in the unraveling of a series of unbelievable events that had taken hold in the lives of the people I love. After regaining composure I found the mutual friend among the wedding guests. I told her there was something I needed to speak to her about and apologized for not being truthful earlier that evening. I confided to the friend that I was unaware of my sister’s intent to move, as I had not seen nor spoken with her for the past several months due to a deep wedge within our family. Now that my sister and her family were moving, the distance would be greater and the wedge would be deeper than I could have ever imagined. There was an ache within me that evening at the wedding but there was also a sense of freedom experienced as that friend and I took each others hands and prayed for reconciliation in my family. There was freedom because this mutual friend was the first person let in to this private area of my life and into what I had been experiencing and suppressing for the past year. The friend was given a small, vague glimpse and generalities regarding the family turmoil but that was all. She did not learn of the greater ache and deeper wounds that began several years earlier in the life of my oldest daughter.
At the tender age of three my daughter was sexually abused. She was abused by a member of my family. Her world would drastically be altered. The abuse repainted the bright colorful rainbows in her life a dismal, colorless shade of gray. The insidious effects of the abuse tried to rob my daughter of her childhood and continued to try to destroy her future. She endured the abuse for nine years, until the age of twelve; it took another twelve years for the wounds that were buried within her to be brought to the surface. Then He took the child by the hand, and said to her … “Little girl, I say to you, arise.” … for she was twelve years of age. Mark 5:41.
My daughter experienced first hand as many other women have those deep, deep places that can only be healed by the love and compassion of Christ. Only the power of the Holy Spirit could penetrate through the layers of pain, hurt and despair and guide the wisdom and advice of extensive Christian counseling that ultimately helped lead the way to healing and forgiveness. I know for my daughter that some days, the old memories try to resurface and are much more painful than others, but by the grace of God, she presses on. This treasure of a daughter is a living testimony, glowing in the radiance of the Christ, assured in the Father’s love, precious in His sight and choosing victory over defeat. Behold, I make all things new. Revelation 21:5
I too, am choosing victory over defeat. Reflecting back on the grieving process my husband and I experienced after learning of our daughter’s abuse, I can truly thank the Lord for His grace, mercy and healing in my own life.
Initially learning of the abuse, the guilt we internalized as parents was insurmountable. Questions we had were asked and rehashed hundreds of times. How could we not have known? How could this have possibly happened and why weren’t we there to protect our child? Our days, our nights, our dreams our life, were all filled with anguish beyond belief. One day blended into the next as we grieved the loss and pain in our daughter’s life. There were days literally spent crying out, my face to the floor, moaning from the deepest places within my soul before the Lord. His timing is perfect! During a spring vacation from work was when this grieving process took place. I can thank the Lord for His grace in allowing me the time needed to be alone in His arms. My husband had to prevent me from throwing away our photo albums. To me they were reminders of the pain our daughter experienced behind the photos. It was too much to bear. Evening and morning and at noon, I will pray and cry aloud, And He shall hear my voice. Psalm55:17
When sexual abuse rears its ugly head it tries to destroy everything in its path. After its attempt to destroy its victim it continues to tear through the whole family wiping out years of trust and cherished relationships, turning them into betrayal and alienation.
Knowledge of the abuse was tolerated in my extended family as long as it remained within the family. Once it crossed the boundaries of the outside world, the family ties took on a whole new dimension. The family member that abused our daughter has been forgiven. That phase of the process did not happen over night, but he truly has been forgiven. There was no longer a physical threat but seeing the family member ignited emotional reminders within my daughter. When realizing the magnitude these effects had on her, we as parents would not let her go through one more second of anguish. This time around, our little girl was going to be protected. This time we would be there for her.
Upon making a reasonable request to prevent possible contact, the reactions from my family were totally unexpected. The reasonable request became the catalyst for the family thought to be standing with us during this trial, to turn and step aside. I went beyond the walls of the family to protect my child. I would do it again. Arrows began to fly questioning the validity of the abuse, stating denials and more arrows of false accusations followed. The blow was crushing. After sensing the misguided rage during a sibling meeting, it was quickly realized there was nothing I could say to change their minds. It was not to be believed that we simply were asking for a request to be honored. That was all. There was nothing I could say to help them understand. They had taken a position based on their own beliefs and, drawn a line in the sand and closed their minds. Abuse is ugly. Sin is ugly. The enemy’s plan is to steal, kill and destroy. We have not spoken to each other for over a year.
I understand their hurt and pain and continue to pray for their healing and wholeness. A decision was made to stand up for a child who in the not so distant past was left broken because we were unaware. We became aware. She would be protected. Her wholeness outweighed the loss.
When my mother and father forsake me (or my brothers and sisters) then the Lord will take care of me. Psalm 27:10
The Lord has taken care of me and given me scripture throughout this journey. Because of Him I can pray for my family. I love them dearly, have forgiven them and pray for their destination.
Perhaps, if I happen to run into the friend from the wedding and she asks me how things are going with my family, I can point her in the direction of the banquet table set before my King, looking across at a family that has been truly reconciled.
… but the Lord comes to give life more abundantly.
John 10:10
Thank you Lord!
Signed,
Destined
No comments:
Post a Comment