At the age of 13, my father walked out of our home never to return. He walked out on my Mom and 3 kids ages 13-9-1. My Mom had a job where her hours were 3pm-11pm to support us. At 13 I became an instant Mom. But I decided that day that I would be a survivor. I learned how to deal with it, and always had an action plan.
A few years ago, I went through an incredibly difficult year. I lost my grandmother, Grace, my Aunt who was my spiritual Mom, and then very unexpectedly my own Mom. I was dealing with grief and my husband’s Parkinson's disease. My husband was also involved in an accident that morning that totaled 2 SUVs and a 25 ton truck.
As my husband Bill laid in the ER, with every test they did the news went from bad to worse. After the last CT they told Bill that he had a broken neck and jaw and that a neurologist would be coming later to fit him with a halo. All through our stay there, he kept on proclaiming to anyone that would stand still that he served a God of miracles and that he would be walking out of there totally whole. Even as a nurse told him that the films don't lie, he just kept on proclaiming God's promises.
I prayed a lot and I believed in God's healing powers. I also made a ton of phone calls so that others were with us in prayer. But as I paced the waiting room, I was making plans in my head as how we would make it through the next few months. As I watched the doctors, nurses, friends and others come and go, I felt numb. Even after the miraculous news, everyone was praising God, but for some reason I just could not connect. I was looking down a long tunnel, and couldn't take part in the celebration. I was too consumed trying to deal with it my way that I almost missed what a miracle had taken place. So I took Bill home that night with no broken bones, no bruises, scratches or cuts. He was not even sore the next day. So life went on, and my next step in dealing with things was to get some counseling on how to be an effective caregiver to someone with Parkinson's.
The next morning in my private prayer time with the Lord, the Holy Spirit got right in my face and asked, "How can you trust God for most things, but always keep a little piece for yourself?” I just shook my head. He took me back to when I was 13, standing at the window, watching my Daddy leave. This time I looked over my left shoulder and saw satan in my backyard digging a pit. My pit was called survival. Over the years, ‘how to deal with it’, became my comfort zone. And I didn't even know I had a pit!!! Then God took me back to Bill's hospital room where I began to see a truth, and now I was doing it with Parkinson's' disease. Back in my living room Jesus took my hands in His and said, “I am your deliverer, you trust Me for everything or you trust Me for nothing.” “I don't want you to deal with it. I want you to trust Me enough to let Me deal with it." His refusal to bend to my will might seem uncompassionate. But He was pushing me to higher ground, from glory to glory.
I realized I was disobedient and dishonoring the Father, the Word and what Jesus had done on the cross. After repenting for my sin and declaring myself free, I turned and still had to answer the question, what do I do now? When He answered me, I heard Him tell me to begin by ‘calling those things which are not, as though they are.’ He reminded me that ‘I have the mind of Christ, and that He is the restorer of my soul.’ He then told me that He is not moved by what I see.’
God is so passionate about having a relationship with you. He wants everything we've got, the good, bad and the ugly. If you hold nothing back, neither will God. The limitations put on my life were a lie. I spent most of my life, slipping in and out of a pit, without even knowing I had one.
Signed,
Deliverance
