From the Pit to the Rock

Lord, please give me the words to write so that they will be relevant to others, that there would be soul stirring. The love and gratitude I have for Jesus is more than words can say. I pray my life would be just a pinch of thankfulness to Him. 

My favorite Scripture is Psalms 18. I know God wrote it with me on His mind. He knew I would need to read it at some point in my life. He knows our beginnings from our end and all the in betweens. Here is why this particular Psalm is my favorite:

Verse 1 – The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer. My God is my rock in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn (which means strength) of my salvation and my stronghold.

I would not want to imagine my life today without the privilege of being able to take refuge in my rock, my fortress, my deliverer, my God.

Verse 2 – I call to the Lord, whom is worthy of praise, and I am saved from my enemies.

But what if your enemy is the very one you love? My husband was an abusive alcoholic whose action of opening another can sent my children fleeing to their rooms, and me feeling as though I wanted to hide from him as well. I prayed God would forgive me for allowing my children to live in this environment, being too afraid to leave. Although my husband never hit the kids, the emotional damage to them was just as significant as my bruises.

Verse 4 – The cords of death entangled me; the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me. The cords of the grave coiled around me; the snares of death confronted me.

This is how one feels when they are living in these circumstances. I can’t tell you in these few words the horror that existed for me and my children. One can only imagine, BUT GOD!

Verse 6 – In my distress, I called to the Lord; I cried to my God for help. From His temple he heard my voice; my cry came before Him, into His ears.

The Lord heard my cry with His ears. It is amazing to know that He’s listening to me. He was waiting for me to call on Him so He could come to my rescue. He is a warrior ready to battle any enemy that comes against us. So what did He do?

Verse 9 – He parted the heavens and came down.

Verse 13 – The Lord thundered from heaven; the voice of the Most High resounded. He shot his arrows and scattered the enemies.

Verse 16 – He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters. He rescued me from my powerful enemies.

My soul stirs as I write this, to know that the Lord came to me, took me in His arms to comfort and protect me while he battled my enemy. He said, “Its okay, my daughter, I’m here. Everything will be alright.” To know that He loves me that much brings tears to my eyes. Knowing I was drowning, He pulled me out of the deep waters. I tried for years to work this out on my own. I never succeeded for this reason:

Verse 30 – As for God, His way is perfect; the Word of the Lord is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in Him. For who is God besides the Lord? And who is the Rock, except our God? It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect.

This is why I couldn’t fight this situation on my own. It wasn’t my battle, it was God’s and He was just waiting for my call.

My husband is sober now, the abuse has stopped, and healing is taking place. Although it is a long journey for all of us, I know God is with me every step of the way. And because of who He is in my life, the lives of my children, and because of all He has done and continues to do…

Verse 49 – Therefore I will praise You among the nations, O Lord; I will sing praises to Your name. He gives his king (which is us) great victories; he shows unfailing kindness to His anointed, to David, and his descendants forever.

My God, words are not enough to tell of Your grace. Thank you, Lord!

Signed,

The Rock

"Cry of Silence" to "Cry of Freedom"

Cry of Silence was brought up in a Christian home. I did what I was told and followed all the rules that were set before me. I always was an obedient child, the one who did what was right. However, I never developed my own relationship with the Lord or personal convictions.  I was trained to marry a Christian man, like many of us were. So this is what I did, but I was deceived. I quickly learned that every man that names the name of Jesus is not of His.  So here I am now, married with my so called "Christian man"- thinking all was perfect, but was I wrong. 

Now this is where my wilderness experience begins, the training that God had to take me through. In this marriage I was abused emotionally, mentally, physically and sexually.  I also was a victim of infidelity. Within this time all I knew to do was to seek God's face, through prayer and reading God’s word. During this time I developed a TRUE relationship with the Lord. I got to know him as my redeemer, a deliverer and a mind regulator. No one but me knew the pain or the amount of suffering that I was dealing with in my Cry of silence. 

One day in my car, I heard an advertisement for a local Christian Counseling Agency. The Holy Spirit lay upon my heart to call them. This is when my healing began.  I realized that God did not want me in this situation that I was in; He loved me too much to have me suffer. I was so confused because I know that God is not a God of divorce.  I would hear messages at church on how we are to pray for God to heal your marriage, and I spent 13 years on my face asking for this.  I had to let go of being concerned about what Man would think, and I had to grab hold of the Word that says, who the Son sets free is free indeed!!!  

My personal song of redemption is Alabaster Box.  One of the verses in that song says, ‘you don't know the cost of the oil in MY alabaster box’.  This is when I knew I had to remove myself from the Hell I was in.  So you see I know what it is to be in a place that it hurts so bad that I want to take my own life- and yes, I was saved.  I just got to a place where I was emotionally bankrupt, but no one ever knew because I wore my masks very well.  I wasn't ready to remove these masks until I personally sought out the qualities of God, for myself- I cried out to God for 13 years, and he lead me out of the wilderness with all the scars to show and to let woman know that God is able to bring you out in your right mind. Ladies God is ABLE- more than able- to bring us through.  No matter where you are or what you are going through, God will carry you through!  BUT GOD-- always remember there is always, a BUT GOD in every and all situations.

Signed,

Cry of Freedom

Imprints of a Journey

On this journey called life, my story begins

with childhood memories and colorful dreams

 Seeds of truth planted

His voice then, a whispering breeze,

"Look to me My child, I am everything you need"

The teenage years came

with insecurities ever strong

yet he drew me into His arms

and showed me where I truly belong

A season in college, decisions to make

completely uncertain of which path to take

as I lifted my eyes, He showed me His way

It was on His path I knew I must stay

Beginning to see a world broken and dying

smiles on faces, yet souls desperately crying

for the truth and hope only found in the One

Who lived in me - the eternal, beloved Son

Oh, the weight of His love for them! Yes, I could

be  a voice, a touch....that might lead them to Him! 

I soon walked down the aisle, taking my groom’s hand

a whole new life we would soon understand 

A covenant established, the vows exchanged

two souls united, never to be the same

Becoming one, such beautiful mystery

while facing ourselves, with every frailty

Seeing God’s strength overcome what is weak,

knowing with all certainty, He is everything we need

This journey then brought me to a delicate place

where I learned a very personal meaning of grace

as secrets uncovered a beloved sister's pain

 the truth discovered soon became a family's disdain

Harsh words spoken, the tears softly flowed

bondage was broken, while disbelief was shown

Heartbreak and loss, felt all around

understanding just could not seem to be found

Yet forgiveness, it flows where His mercy grows

His loved healed her heart, and taught me to let go

I hear His voice speaking in moments of grief,

“I am still everything You and they need”

Two precious sons, filling our arms

joyful exhaustion, while smiling at all their charms

Learning to lay down our lives everyday

knowing it is us who must show them the way

Oh Lord Jesus, I give you all the praise

Thank you for leading me all of my days

On this journey called life, it is You I seek

for truly You have been and will be

everything I could hope for… everything I need